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The Giver: You need to work on your acting skills. In order to gain more power in the relationship you will have to change a few things. First, you cannot be readily available. You must make your partner realize that he or she must cherish every moment with you because your time should not be taken for granted. Next, you must seem less interested than you already are. You cannot let your partner get too comfortable or complacent, because that leads to boredom. When your partner becomes bored, s/he no longer has your best interests in mind and is more apt to step out and find someone else.

But these strict power roles are not what they appear to be. There are opportunities to change the flow of power between two people if necessary. Necessity is the key point, though. Even in a tyrannical relationship, there is not always a need to change the dynamic as long as the relationship is healthy and operating well. The tyrant is not granted free reign to do as s/he pleases even when power is stagnant. Remember, people enter into and stay in relationships because that particular power relation works for the two people involved.

Altering Power: The Giver and the Taker

Last week we detailed four models of power dynamics in relationships: The Giver and the Taker, The Mongoose versus the Cobra, The Hand, and The Dominant and Submissive. In detailing the four models, we created paradigms that appear to leave no room for change. The Taker will seemingly always take. The Mongoose is assumed to always strike at its most vulnerable moment. The Hand presumably creates an intimate tyrant. The Dominant’s name alone implies its continual dominance.

The Taker: If you would like to maintain control, you have to be spontaneous at times. You have to sacrifice your selfish desires once in a while and do something your partner is interested in. This cannot be something you have some interest in as well. The spontaneous act must be an act that your partner knows you did only because you care. These random acts of kindness will help offset your position in the relationship as the taker. Your partner will allow you to continue some of your selfish ways because in the back of his/her mind s/he knows you are capable of showing that you care.

The following are suggestions for transitions of power in the four models we outlined last week. If change is necessary, here is the best way to do it. We can’t tell you how to articulate the action precisely, but we can try to direct the general idea.

Alexa Chung
British television presenter, former fashion model. Frequently cited as a "best dressed" kind of girl.

Agyness Deyn [AG-niss deen]
British model—maybe super—best friend of Henry Holland and girlfriend of Stroke Albert Hammond, Jr. Born Laura Hollins, modeled for Burberry, Armani, Hugo Boss, frequent Vogue cover girl, Pirelli calendar girl, and ubiquitous party girl.

Fashionista Glossary (from fashionista.com)

Sometimes, we forget that not everyone knows which Kate we mean when it comes to Moss, Lanphear, Schelter or Young, or who they even are. And sometimes, we make up words and talk about obscure fashion mags and people you may have never heard of. So we're sorry and we're making it up to you. Welcome to the Fashionista Glossary. Get your word on.

Alexander

-A- Agent Provocateur
The UK's answer to Victoria's Secret, but more expensive and cooler, because it's British. Founded by Joe Corre, Vivienne Westwood's son. Close to Fashionista's heart post-Faran & Britt debut in Fall 08.

Photo by Bruno Dayan (c)

 

 

Alber Elbaz
Israeli fashion designer, artistic director of Lanvin since 2001. Received a standing ovation for his Spring 08 collection, is rarely seen without a bowtie.

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